It’s October 20th… 2003
I just finished a 2hr road trip with my best friend and we have arrived to our destination. We sit in the parking lot for a few moments that feel like forever, I take a deep breath and we make our way to the front door of this huge old Victorian style house.
I ring the doorbell and I am asked for security reasons they say, to show my photo ID in the little camera next to the bell in order to come in.
I make my way inside and I am greeted by a lovely lady by the name of Stella.
She takes my friends coat and mine and asks us to have a seat in the living room waiting area.
There are barely any seats left, I find a spot to sit and remind myself to breathe and I look around at a variety of women who barely make eye contact with me.
I immediately want to judge them all for being here but quickly realize, wait hypocrite, I’m here too! I suddenly feel very sick to my stomach, ashamed, disgusted even but I let the wave of emotions come and I suppress them as I’ve always done – I’m really good at that, I’ve done it my whole life!
The girl next to me starts talking to me as if I’ve known her forever.
How many of you have had this happen before?
Yea you’re a lightworker my dear friend.
She tells me that she had contemplated suicide rather than coming here today, but that she realized doing so would only give the man who raped her further power.
My eyes tear up, how could I have even thought to judge these women without even knowing their stories. This young girl 19 at most, had been raped and had been battling suicidal thoughts ever since then because of it and now on top of that she finds herself pregnant. Of course she would have an abortion, who could ever judge her for that?! The man at the end of the driveway with his picket sign sure did, and sadly for a brief moment, I did too.
Stella calls my name and guides me upstairs into an examining room.
I lay down for an ultrasound to determine how far advanced my pregnancy is …
13 weeks I hear them whisper.
I ask why they keep the monitor turned away from the moms. I’m told that it’s to not add more guilt or confusion to an already sensitive situation.
I’m confused – So we sugar coat or hide reality as a form of protection?!
How is this healthy or good? Wouldn’t it be better to tell it and see it like it is to get the entire truth and picture? Wouldn’t that make people feel more empowered?
I realize this is but my perspective.
How many of us camouflage or avoid the truth to make pain easier or to make our kids lives easier – I get it I’ve been guilty of it too.
I’m telling you now, that I’ve discovered that the only thing truly enlightening and empowering is TRUTH.
I ask the nurse at this point – does anyone ever change their mind?
She smiles at me and says “ Very Few”
Can I see the screen?
She looks at Stella who then nods yes and turns the screen.
My heart stops and tears flow down my face
That’s a head, and those are little hands !!
I look at her and I tell her – that’s my miracle, it’s my little baby.
She then asks if I want to hear his heartbeat… I cry some more and when I can finally get the words out, I say yes.
At that point, I ask the nurse and Stella if I can please go home now.
They ask me what for?
My response came as if from a source up above, something much bigger than me.
So that I can spend the rest of my life loving this little baby and proving to everyone that bringing him to this world was the best decision I ever made!
They hug me and make my way downstairs to greet my friend in the waiting area and tell her it’s time to go. She hugs me and we make our way out.
I smile at all the other women in the room this time with compassion and unconditional love.
As we make our way outside, the man with the graphic picket sign quickly interrupts my feeling of joy and bliss.
Thinking I just had an abortion, he’s calling me everything but a white girl and asking if I think God will ever forgive me?
My mind goes to anger – I didn’t do it you idiot! I changed my mind, you should be celebrating and you should be hugging me and happy!
You want to save lives but you forget about the lives that might be lost other than these unborn babies. You forget that there is a girl in there who would have ended two lives had she succeeded with her suicide attempts.
Instead of being angry, I just get in the car and we drive away.
I think back to the reflection I had inside about unconditional love and forgiveness and I realize that some of his message would be important to me.
What would God think?
That’s when I asked my friend who joined me that day if she could become my baby’s Godmother.
Now I say that and some people might immediately think religion when in fact at this point I considered myself way more spiritual than religious.
Perspective is a beautiful thing that way.
But she truly was his God – Mother. The one who was sent from God / Universe to love me unconditionally through my life lesson and journey.
She drove me over 2hrs and supported me, she didn’t try to talk me in or out of anything she just supported sacred space for me to process what I needed to.
When I came out of the clinic room, she hugged me and we both cried.
At that point she did not even know the decision I had made to keep my baby.
Up to this point my life had been one train wreck after another, from eating disorders to unhealthy relationships with men and alcohol and 3 failed suicide attempts. This was one time that moving away couldn’t make everything disappear.
My spiritual and healing journey began that day.
I made a promise to myself and to my child that I would never stop learning how to become a better person and a better parent.
Little did I know how much he would be the one who became my biggest teacher over the next 13 years.
Amongst the many Lessons he and others taught me, I wanted to share with you tonight the ones that have made the biggest difference in my life.
The ones that took my life from chaos to good and from good to great…no actually from good to MAGICAL!
Here are my 3 Mindsets to living your true purpose
Belief – Know why you believe what you believe
When we are born we are free, completely happy and in alignment with our body mind and spirit. What we observe and learn based on our surroundings is what creates our belief system.
So believe what you believe but you better know why you believe what you believe and it’s not a bad idea to take a step back every now and then to evaluate if your belief serves you or if it suffers you.
Are you so stuck in your belief and story that it’s holding you back from living your dreams? Beliefs like:
We’ve always been poor, money doesn’t grow on trees (funny it’s actually made of paper) Cancer runs in my family, Everyone in my family is overweight
or the ever so popular “It’s just the way it is”.
Are you like that man at the clinic, holding that protest sign so tight that you fail to recognize and celebrate the small victories because you keep waiting for the big victory? We live in a world of comparison often looking for bigger, faster, better.
We fail to see the beauty and success in simplicity.
Do you believe in yourself? In your intuition?
It is only in the silence of the mind that we can hear the whispers of the heart.
Many of us are stuck in our head and it’s so loud and busy in there that we never take the time to slow down and listen to our soul’s deepest desires or our intuition that is trying to give us the answers that we seek.
Judgment also comes from our belief system.
When I talk about an abortion clinic the person who got rapped probably doesn’t share the same belief about abortion than the one who has been so desperately trying to get pregnant and just finished her last round of IVF.
Judgment comes when someone’s belief system does not match ours.
We judge because it’s easier to judge than it is to open our minds to a new perspective. The mind, which is where our beliefs reside, likes to keep us comfortable and likes the status quo.
The soul however, realizes that everyone is on a unique journey which we know nothing about. We may relate to it in some way yes, we may have had similar experiences yes but everyone in this world is as unique as their fingerprint.
Another belief is Fear. The biggest fear for many of us who want to try something new is the fear of failure. I read somewhere that many of us don’t even really fear failure itself but we fear the reaction of others when we fail.
2. Alignment – Alignment is the new Hustle as Gabby Bernstein says
If you are always looking for what’s next, you miss out on what’s NOW.
Tap into your intuition by spending time in silence and then set your intent for the day. Ask the universe for signs, confirmation and validation that you are on the right track. The Law of Attraction is always working and the Universe is always providing for you so slow down and pay attention to the miracles and magic that occur daily for you.
Alignment means to stay with your core values and desires.
Are you ok with changing your mind even after 10 years of commitment? After making a big decision that doesn’t feel right? Are you ok with changing your mind with something, anything if its no longer in alignment with where you wish to be?
People used to joke about how often I “change my mind” and also how many times I’ve moved. In fact, I moved so many times that my dad had even become the UHaul franchise owner for our hometown! He figured it was a good investment because with me alone, he’d at least break even!
But I try something and I give it my all, I commit to it 100% and then if it doesn’t fit my values or feel good, I move on!
Seeking to be in alignment with abundance is a popular topic with many people I’ve worked with. One lady in particular comes to mind who so desperately wanted to attend a seminar because she knew it could change her life. The price however was $5000 and she “couldn’t afford it”.
I suggested that if she could not afford the $5000 then to shift her focus on abundance in order to attract abundance. She insisted that she had tried that and it didn’t work for her because now she still didn’t have money for it but she also might not be able to get the time off. You see, she was trying to control the HOW of abundance rather than the WHY. The why was that she wanted something that was going to change her life. I encouraged her to open her perspective to what abundance really means, that it could mean the $5000, but it could also mean an abundance of people that would come into her life and help her with the change she was seeking, it could be an abundance of ah-ha moments during meditation etc.
When we let go of trying to control the HOW and focus on the WHY , that’s where alignment and the Law of Attraction gives us magic!
So I encourage you to surrender and when you feel like you have surrendered… surrender just a little bit more.
3. Forgiveness – Being anchored to the past keeps us from flying to the destinations of the future.
My father was my worst enemy yet my biggest mentor all rolled into one.
It’s only after he passed away that I realized I had spent my whole life trying to make him proud. By trying to make him proud or get his attention though, my life had been a series of disasters and let downs one after another.
When I got pregnant, my first thought was
My dad is gonna kill me!
Then a moment of clarity came. What if I keep slowly killing myself and giving my power away to everyone who I fear reaction and judgment from?
How many of us give away your power out of fear , or not wanting to disappoint the ones we love?
When I announced my pregnancy, my father went almost 6 months without talking to me. On the day my son was born however, he was there. I saw him at the door and his eyes light up so bright. He looked down at my son with pure love and joy. My son immediately became his lifelong “little buddy”.
I could have been angry or held a grudge, told him to go away but I realized that every day can be the birth of a new life and also a new beginning.
Dad has been gone for a little over a year now, and every day my heart fills with gratitude that I chose to forgive him before he passed because if you think a moment of forgiveness is hard, it’s nothing compared to a lifetime of regret.
Unconditional forgiveness is the only true form of forgiveness.
By only accepting Unconditional love, forgiveness, friendships, business transactions etc. in our lives, we set very healthy boundaries for ourselves.
This is a beautiful way to create a life filled with joy and of the utmost simplicity and fun! It’s important to understand that just because we forgive someone doesn’t mean we have to allow them to continue to hurt us, it just means that we chose to no longer vibrate in a state of victim, lack or anger.
Know that self care and boundaries are in no way selfish!
Unconditional love is the only true love. If we love and forgive but only with conditions, the universe through the Law of Attraction will keep sending us “conditions.” What expectations can you chose to release today?
One of my mentor’s favorite saying is “How you do anything is how you do everything “
When something isn’t working for you, examine where else does it show up in your life?
I encourage you to spend 5min a day in meditation or silence or journaling or even better, in a float session at Kini Wellness and see what’s not working.
Much like my soul sister Jessica here, I never back down from a good challenge. When we did the table reading of this talk, the group was surprised that it wasn’t a super fun talk having me walk on stage in a tutu or unicorn onesie. Jessica then said, I dare you to try to add a Unicorn in that deep talk.
Lessons from a Unicorn
Lessons from a Unicorn
• There’s magic inside you.
• Anything is possible.
• Dreams do come true.
• You don’t need wings to fly.
• It’s ok to be different.
• Always believe in yourself even if nobody else does!
When we Stretch our perspective and allow ourselves to change our minds by expanding our beliefs…
Great things Happen
When we combine that with taking inspired actions in alignment with our core values and dreams…
I dare you to unconditionally Love and forgive others , but most of all unconditionally love and forgive yourself.
When you fall or fail, I dare you to celebrate the fact that you at least tried and gave it your all.
Most of all, I encourage you to surround yourself with people who’ve got your back – succeed or fail , good days and bad days.
If you can’t think of anyone who can do that – look right next to you right now!
Everyone in this room is in this room because they dream of something bigger, something better. Make a commitment to a Master Mindset Buddy and hold each other accountable to the commitment you make today!
My hope is that you all realize that none of us have all our shit together,
some of us just chose to dance on broken glass.
We are all just one big beautiful piece of art, different colors shapes and sizes coming together to form this great big picture that we call LIFE!
Thank you for sharing sacred space with me tonight, it’s been a true blessing to share with you –
Shine Bright and don’t just believe in magic and miracles but Expect them daily !!